behold the life alert man! he is all things to all women. prepared and present for a woman at her most vulnerable moments. he is cool and calm in times of crisis, with a voice that is both commanding and gentle. how stretched-thin he must be, how undiscriminating the generosity of his gallantry!
oh, most capable life alert man, would that i be as fortunate as those other watched women! your steely countenance, cameras at the ready, virtual eyeballs, ever hovering over my every move. you are poised to leap into action and administer the precise, life-saving assistance needed at a mere touch of my button, or when i am unable to reach out through the smoke and crackle of threatening flames!
could there possibly be accommodation in this sorority of the safeguarded for me?
i can wait. one of those bitches is gonna push her luck too far and break a hip, then im in like flynn.
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